A Tower of Green

I sit near my window and look out to see Pat Neff tower lit green after a great victory of our Baylor Bears Men's Basketball Team. We are now in the ELITE 8 of March Madness. Sic'em Bears.

I think about this green tower.  How it is a symbol to the surrounding area of a victory.  An athletic victory, but a victory none-the-less.

Lately, I have been having some internal victories.  No tower lit any color could really signify them to the world.

First, I have successfully cut my dad out of my life.  Even when faced with the opportunity to allow him back in, I refused.  Brian once told me that if God is going to fill that hole for me, I have to move my dad from it.  This victory shows God and myself that I've done that.  And God has given me Brian and Uncle David.  I get two people pouring into my life like my father never could. And both are incredibly good to me. I couldn't plan or design anything better.

Second, I am making progress with my mom.  Slowly she is realizing that I am my own person and that we are not one and the same.  And, I am not letting her negative view of my choices effect me especially when my choices are merely offensive to her due to her preference and not based on morality.  For instance, her hatred of my dark hair color. I love it.

Third, I helped step some good friendships up to the next level. Heather, Cody and I pushed through a wall that had been up since about sophomore year. Not that our friendship hadn't been good, it just hadn't been growing. Thanks to a conversation with Sue, I was able to see how to break that wall down, and it went very well. I love both of them dearly. I wish they could go ahead and get engaged/married sometime soon, but I know that can't happen just yet... or that it won't.

Fourth, I stepped up to the plate and asked Isaac on a date and got rejected.  And though it hurt, it felt good.  For once, I saw myself-worth as something high and not down in the dumps.  The kind of person Isaac is, 2 years ago, I would have deemed myself unworthy. But with growth and God's insight through The Elliotts, Jenny and my Uncle David, I have seen who I really am--someone special in God's eyes deserving of someone awesome. I just wish that friendship could go back to how it was. I know that it won't. I guess, in this moment, I lift it up to God. Please, God. If it be your will, give me my friend Isaac back.

Fifth, this has nothing to do with me necessarily.  My half-brother... from now on, I might just call him my brother. I hate the sense of "second class" that I get with the term "half".  My brother Seth, 15, will be getting baptized on Easter Sunday. When we first got together in recent times (over a year ago? maybe less than a year?), he was no where near God, and now he accepts God as his Savior. That is just incredible. God, you are good.

The fact is my life used to feel like a lot of bad only seeing good in how God worked with the bad to make it better.  But lately, God's been giving me a lot of good. He rolled out the carpet for me to be in Waco this summer with an apartment, job, everything is just lining up.  He gave me Sue, who's mere friendship challenges me to be a better person every day. To not allow my age to keep me from growing wise beyond my years.

So, I guess what I am saying is, that if I had a tower of my own, it would be lit green tonight.